when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
