Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize