Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
