I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
PANTIES FOUND
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