Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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