I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
