Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
my liver is dry heaving
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
