Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
whose parrot is this?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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