yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
