Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
