why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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