We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
