OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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