I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The Olympian is in my bed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
