Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
