WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Less talking, more tequila
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
