i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
