His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
