I think I died a long time ago.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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