My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
