I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
