my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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