Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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