You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I lost the right to judge tonight
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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