onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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