Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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