i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
