please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
