it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So much Jack, so little girl.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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