My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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