Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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