nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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