Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
