Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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