His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
