you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
