Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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