My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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