i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
