So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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