Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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