I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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