Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
