So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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