if you like me you must not know who I am
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
