there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She bit a glass in half.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
