so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
