Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
