we're blogging at a bar
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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