so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
