My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
