i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
