it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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