Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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