i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
