Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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