I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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