There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
