I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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