So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
