Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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