JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
