This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
