Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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