Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
