The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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