you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
