My Higher Power is John Stamos
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
