I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
