how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
