lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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