I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
soo... how was my night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize