I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
